Since I have been home I have been fortunate to have lunch with friends a few times. Friends are such a blessing. The best type friend loves you in times that are dark or difficult and rejoices with you when the days are filled with happiness. A friend listens without judgment and offers honesty and encouragement. Want to be friends?
Adoption is hard, perhaps unnatural, and then toss in the children being older, and having other children in the house and it can feel like an emotional roller coast on a good day and on a bad, well…
Yet we are filled with confidence “that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to the completion until the day of Christ Jesus” Philippians 1:6. The word confidence with the Latin root words of con=with and fide= trust means to have trust, or confidence, or reliance, or belief in or faith of. We know that God is using this time to shape us and mold us and make us more Christ-like. Having confidence in the promises of God and the knowledge that adoption is difficult is comforting, but doesn’t spare the pain. I like to say this time is like laboring in child-birth, it hurts, I knew it would, and I need to cry out sometimes. I am blessed to have friends who listen to me and offer encouragement and love.
So here is some of the stuff I can only tell my friends;
One day when helping a daughter with flashcards I couldn’t help but observe her chomping loudly on her gum. She doesn’t have access to any gum. At least that is what I thought. I asked her where she got the gum, no reply. I asked again, “where did you get the gum.” No reply. “Where did you get the gum, it’s an easy answer, tell me the truth.” “El bano.” (what, from the bathroom?) I responded with “no you didn’t get gum from the bathroom. Where did you get the gum, from the trash?” The unnamed daughter replied with “the bathroom, come with me.” So I followed her to learn that she had removed the sticky 3M adhesive stuff from behind the bathroom instructions and was chewing it. At least it was the same shade of blue as the gum we chew. Did she think I usually hang instructions on the wall with gum?
So were you wondering why I have bathroom instructions? Our newest daughters came with different knowledge of hygiene then what is commonly practiced here. In Colombia toilet paper is used, but never flushed. Our girls were not taught to use “papel higenico” (toilet paper) previously, or if they were my guess is that with 7 children living in their foster family it was always an empty roll anyway! So we have posted a sign reminding kids to use paper, to flush it each time you use the toilet and to wash your hands.
Words of love. “Yo la amo mama y la quiero con tod mi Corazon” Kimberlyn typed that to me on Google translate and it means, I love you mom and I love with all my heart!
Kimberlyn is a loving girl who desires to be in a family and loved! We see a future where we look back at this time and see how wrong we were to think of the hard times and wonder what the future will be like. Yet for now, we are teaching things like sit at the table to eat, don't put the food you don't want on my plate, keep your cold feet off my legs while we eat,don't talk with food in your mouth, you may only shower once a day and for only 10 minutes. Rosita is a smart little girl and has learned that she can run the tub water for several minutes to fill the tub up and then turn on the shower water. This is her attempt to by-pass the only one bath a week rule. We have been trying to teach that baths take much longer and use a lot more hot water therefore costing significantly more than a shower and using a lot more hot water deprives other people from a warm shower. We may need another water heater!
It is the little stuff that wears you out. I wish someone would have reminded me of this a few weeks ago. When I find myself totally worn out, it is not because of the big problems. It is the way a child walks loudly over-head, or chews, talks, jumps, sings, dances or crawls along the floor during dinner with food in their mouth, it is the endless challenges of parental instruction and authority, it is the 45 minutes of constant supervision to get a child ready for bed (and they aren’t two years old), it is the crumbs on the floor like they don’t care if it is clean, it’s the “mom venga” (mom come here) instead of coming to me to ask questions, it is the repetitive “she won’t stop tickling me” or “why are they laughing at me”…
Turns out I wasn’t just worn-out, I have been ill since coming home from Colombia. I don’t know if was the 200 bug bites, travel, stress… but had a staph infection for a little while after coming home that took me to the doctor for medication, only return again few days later for ulcers in my throat. I can’t say that I have an excuse for a lack of patience, but it sure helps to know that part of the reason I am worn out is because of illness. It will be great to feel good again, soon hopefully!
We are teaching that it is okay to be different. So a few, perhaps all, of the natural kids have asked Doug or I if we could just take them back and be normal again. Jack has had friends call his parents and his family crazy for adopting. Sydney has had the opportunity to think about what normal is from a worldly perspective. From this viewpoint it looks like normal is having the “right stuff”, the “right” car (yes even by age 14 there is pressure to have your own car), the “right clothes”, to go on the “right” vacation, … We actually pray to be different, to be set apart from the rest of the world, a family that makes others wonder why are they like that and are led to a relationship with Jesus. So we are different.
Maybe God made a mistake. Well I know He didn’t, but… I just don’t have the understanding yet to know why. Why does God believe that I can parent more children and these children. Why didn’t He give me the “right” children. The children who have personalities that are easy to be around, obedient, loving, anxious to learn English and to belong in a family, who desire to have rules and limitations, children who want to have brothers and sisters, children who … God why didn’t you give these girls the “right“ family, the family who is always patient, always kind, always loving, always joyful, full of wealth … The answer is God knows that apart from Him I cannot parent any kids, more kids or these kids, but I must rely on Him.
My prayer for today,
God you are mighty and your wisdom is perfect.
Lord thank you for each of the children You have entrusted me with. I ask that You give me Your eyes to see each of them as a child of God, whom You love. Today Lord, increase in me wisdom to parent them with you and Doug, raising them for Your Kingdom. Grow my patience and understanding, help me become the mother and wife you created me to be, slow to anger and quick to forgive, remove my sinful ways of pride and self-reliance. Lord, guard our family and protect us through Your word and with the Holy Spirit preventing the enemy from having any foothold in us. Lord, increase my children’s desires to know You personally, to desire to read Your word and be in prayer with You. Surround my children with God-loving teachers and friends. Remove any negative influences from our lives. Thank You for the friends You have surrounded us with, they are a blessing to us as they minister and encourage us. Bring healing to our illness and protect us from injury. Create in me a joy that radiates with the Holy Spirit so that others will come to know You as their source of strength, peace and joy, and as their Savior and Redeemer. I ask this in the name of Jesus, Amen.
