Things I only tell my friends

Since I have been home I have been fortunate to have lunch with friends a few times. Friends are such a blessing. The best type friend loves you in times that are dark or difficult and rejoices with you when the days are filled with happiness. A friend listens without judgment and offers honesty and encouragement. Want to be friends?

Adoption is hard, perhaps unnatural, and then toss in the children being older, and having other children in the house and it can feel like an emotional roller coast on a good day and on a bad, well…

Yet we are filled with confidence “that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to the completion until the day of Christ Jesus” Philippians 1:6. The word confidence with the Latin root words of con=with and fide= trust means to have trust, or confidence, or reliance, or belief in or faith of. We know that God is using this time to shape us and mold us and make us more Christ-like. Having confidence in the promises of God and the knowledge that adoption is difficult is comforting, but doesn’t spare the pain. I like to say this time is like laboring in child-birth, it hurts, I knew it would, and I need to cry out sometimes. I am blessed to have friends who listen to me and offer encouragement and love.

So here is some of the stuff I can only tell my friends;

One day when helping a daughter with flashcards I couldn’t help but observe her chomping loudly on her gum. She doesn’t have access to any gum. At least that is what I thought. I asked her where she got the gum, no reply. I asked again, “where did you get the gum.” No reply. “Where did you get the gum, it’s an easy answer, tell me the truth.” “El bano.” (what, from the bathroom?) I responded with “no you didn’t get gum from the bathroom. Where did you get the gum, from the trash?” The unnamed daughter replied with “the bathroom, come with me.” So I followed her to learn that she had removed the sticky 3M adhesive stuff from behind the bathroom instructions and was chewing it. At least it was the same shade of blue as the gum we chew. Did she think I usually hang instructions on the wall with gum?

So were you wondering why I have bathroom instructions? Our newest daughters came with different knowledge of hygiene then what is commonly practiced here. In Colombia toilet paper is used, but never flushed. Our girls were not taught to use “papel higenico” (toilet paper) previously, or if they were my guess is that with 7 children living in their foster family it was always an empty roll anyway! So we have posted a sign reminding kids to use paper, to flush it each time you use the toilet and to wash your hands.

Words of love. “Yo la amo mama y la quiero con tod mi Corazon” Kimberlyn typed that to me on Google translate and it means, I love you mom and I love with all my heart!

Kimberlyn is a loving girl who desires to be in a family and loved! We see a future where we look back at this time and see how wrong we were to think of the hard times and wonder what the future will be like. Yet for now, we are teaching things like sit at the table to eat, don't put the food you don't want on my plate, keep your cold feet off my legs while we eat,don't talk with food in your mouth, you may only shower once a day and for only 10 minutes. Rosita is a smart little girl and has learned that she can run the tub water for several minutes to fill the tub up and then turn on the shower water. This is her attempt to by-pass the only one bath a week rule. We have been trying to teach that baths take much longer and use a lot more hot water therefore costing significantly more than a shower and using a lot more hot water deprives other people from a warm shower. We may need another water heater!

It is the little stuff that wears you out. I wish someone would have reminded me of this a few weeks ago. When I find myself totally worn out, it is not because of the big problems. It is the way a child walks loudly over-head, or chews, talks, jumps, sings, dances or crawls along the floor during dinner with food in their mouth, it is the endless challenges of parental instruction and authority, it is the 45 minutes of constant supervision to get a child ready for bed (and they aren’t two years old), it is the crumbs on the floor like they don’t care if it is clean, it’s the “mom venga” (mom come here) instead of coming to me to ask questions, it is the repetitive “she won’t stop tickling me” or “why are they laughing at me”…
Turns out I wasn’t just worn-out, I have been ill since coming home from Colombia. I don’t know if was the 200 bug bites, travel, stress… but had a staph infection for a little while after coming home that took me to the doctor for medication, only return again few days later for ulcers in my throat. I can’t say that I have an excuse for a lack of patience, but it sure helps to know that part of the reason I am worn out is because of illness. It will be great to feel good again, soon hopefully!

We are teaching that it is okay to be different. So a few, perhaps all, of the natural kids have asked Doug or I if we could just take them back and be normal again. Jack has had friends call his parents and his family crazy for adopting. Sydney has had the opportunity to think about what normal is from a worldly perspective. From this viewpoint it looks like normal is having the “right stuff”, the “right” car (yes even by age 14 there is pressure to have your own car), the “right clothes”, to go on the “right” vacation, … We actually pray to be different, to be set apart from the rest of the world, a family that makes others wonder why are they like that and are led to a relationship with Jesus. So we are different.

Maybe God made a mistake. Well I know He didn’t, but… I just don’t have the understanding yet to know why. Why does God believe that I can parent more children and these children. Why didn’t He give me the “right” children. The children who have personalities that are easy to be around, obedient, loving, anxious to learn English and to belong in a family, who desire to have rules and limitations, children who want to have brothers and sisters, children who … God why didn’t you give these girls the “right“ family, the family who is always patient, always kind, always loving, always joyful, full of wealth … The answer is God knows that apart from Him I cannot parent any kids, more kids or these kids, but I must rely on Him.

My prayer for today,

God you are mighty and your wisdom is perfect.
Lord thank you for each of the children You have entrusted me with. I ask that You give me Your eyes to see each of them as a child of God, whom You love. Today Lord, increase in me wisdom to parent them with you and Doug, raising them for Your Kingdom. Grow my patience and understanding, help me become the mother and wife you created me to be, slow to anger and quick to forgive, remove my sinful ways of pride and self-reliance. Lord, guard our family and protect us through Your word and with the Holy Spirit preventing the enemy from having any foothold in us. Lord, increase my children’s desires to know You personally, to desire to read Your word and be in prayer with You. Surround my children with God-loving teachers and friends. Remove any negative influences from our lives. Thank You for the friends You have surrounded us with, they are a blessing to us as they minister and encourage us. Bring healing to our illness and protect us from injury. Create in me a joy that radiates with the Holy Spirit so that others will come to know You as their source of strength, peace and joy, and as their Savior and Redeemer. I ask this in the name of Jesus, Amen.

Milk Crates

This post was created on March, 26, 2011

My amazing friend Whitney joined me in Cali a couple days after Doug, Sydney, Jack and Evan returned home. I was so thankful for her arrival. I needed her to be able to listen to me when I needed to let out some frustrations and to laugh with me when we thought we had seen it all, but...

In Colombia, even in the largest cities like Cali and Bogota it is common to see traffic of every kind. We have seen bikes, pedestrians, cars, horse or mule driven wagons, men pulling trailers, motorcyles with trailers, Trucks that are more than 40 years old still climb and descending the mountains, brightly colored chivas with more people than 20 clown cars and 3 men hanging on with strong arms and curled toes , motorcycles with entire families on them... But finally we have seen the strangest mode of transportation you can pay for. While with Whitney and the girls at the same park we visited on the City Tour before, my daughter Rosa encouraged her friend Vanessa to pay a man to let her ride a milk crate down a hill on a street in the park. If only I had video to show you of a 8 year old speeding down a steep, winding hill in the park only to stop because she continued straight when the street curves. She came off the road, dropped about 18 inches into the dirt and only scrapped up her hand! Oh the liablity insurance.

What's to Worry About?

Continue praying, keeping alert and always thanking God. Col 4:2

What is your worrying skill? Are you an amateur, beginner, seasoned or professional? I think perhaps I am a genetic worrier. Do you know the kind? I am born into generational worries. Some worries are simple, ordinary. Others maybe keep us from more joy and peace, from being who we are created to be. What is your fear? Is it fear of public speaking, from spiders, heights, bad grades or a job review, declining health, divorce, death, of living with regret or guilt, … Do you worry about your children, your parents, your siblings, your neighbors, (your poodles)?

For some of you, perhaps you have worried about me. Have you worried about the decision to adopt, that perhaps it is the wrong choice. Maybe you worried about our safety during travels or while in Colombia (since it has such a reputation). Maybe you are worried about our future.
It is solely by prayer that each day I am here that can move through it without worry. It is miraculous that I am free of the burden of worry. Continue praying, keeping alert and always thanking God…

Bound for Bogota

We travelled by Avianca airlines to Bogota last night. It was Rosa and Kimberlyn's first plane ride. We have been able to witness many firsts things or at least so infrequent as to still be exciting. They admitted to being afraid of the plane ride, but they have no fears of moving to another country, attending a new school, making new friends and learning a new language. This maybe because until a couple days ago they believed their new school in the USA would have classes in Spanish for them. I wish I could show you the shock on their faces when they learned differently. While we were boarding the plane Kimberly said she was afraid, so I was able to teach her that when we have fears or troubles we ask God to be with us. That with God all things are possible, not easy, but possible. (I may have said that for me to hear). So the plane ride went off smoothly! It certainly helped that Avianca has touch screen video games for kids on the back of every seat!! Kimberly was quite excited to get to try out the bathroom too!
When we interviewed by a television station in Cali a few weeks ago they asked Doug if we would adopt again. I was talking with another mother at the hotel regarding that question while the cameras were on Doug. I told her it would take a couple of miracles for that to happen and that if God’s plan was to adopt again that he should place the desire in Doug’s heart first. I may have seen a miracle today, both Kimberly and Rosa put a candy wrapper in the trash without being told!!!
I believe that we are much safer here in Bogota, especially since we are all about business here. In Cali I asked the hotel owner to accompany me to the bank each time. I met another family there who had been robbed after leaving the bank and another family who had witnessed a robbery. The M.O. seemed to be someone was watching the bank, or possibly an employee, would call a friend who would follow the families back to within a few feet of their hotel and then rob them a gun point. Now I love to have a good story to tell and wild things seem to happen when I travel, but I have avoided any crazy stuff happening here. Even leaving Cali, Enrique our host, took us around the exterior roads as a way to keep our luggage in the back of the truck. That prevented thieves from having the opportunity to grab and go with our bags. Security is high everywhere, even funeral homes have armed guards. All security is armed, but many still carry a revolver while a dress shop has a guard armed with a shotgun! I bet those are great gowns! Colombia is the premier producer of bullet proof clothing, I didn’t see a shop for it here but I think everything is on the web if you’re in the market.
I have told you about the coffee? I just took another drink. Of course its Colombian coffee (haha). I enjoyed a good laugh typing that! It is delicious and always ready, the bouquet is mild without a hint of bitterness! The coffee maker is at least as old as Juan Valdez and I would hate to see its innards, but it has a great flavor! Our’s in Cali broke a few nights ago and Enrique had it rewired and brewing again within 10 minutes. We escaped an emergency!!
Today was a busy day in Bogota. New pictures of the girls for Colombia issued ID cards, then the ID cards, then photos for passports, then passports, a stop for lunch an appointment at ICBF (their human services), and an appointment with the Embassy doctor to get documentation for them to travel to the USA.
We are staying at La Zhuetana in Bogota and all the other families are French. Again the USA invaded! Tonight we were able to celebrate with a family that received their sentencia today and another family that brought home their daughters who are 21 months old, identical twins and precious! The French were very happy to share their California wine with us!!! Then a French mother also asked me if I had a good nanny at home to help with the 5 children. Oh the French, I love their dressing, fries and toast and a nanny sounds good too.

Tardes Calenas

We said goodbyes to Doug, Sydney, Jack and Evan. I did this morning, by Kimberlyn and Rosita can sleep through anything. Kimberlyn and Sydney have shared a bed here nearly every night, but last night she wanted the single bed to get a decent sleep. This got Rosita all upset since she doesn’t want to share a bed with Kimberlyn because she moves too much. So then this got Kimberlyn upset since no one wants to sleep by her. Wait til we have to share a vehicle, sit at the table…So Syd got the bed and Rosita chose the floor over the bed with Kimberlyn. The floors here are terrazzo and hard! The girls’ personalities are starting to come out more each day. Papa put Rosa in bed when they got up at 0400. Then Kimberlyn who sleeps in every car ride, no matter how much bumps, pot holes, speed bumps, brake slamming…woke up at 0500 and said she wasn’t tired anymore. I also slept very little last night before or after the rest of the family left, so I am hoping for an early and easy bedtime tonight. The girls never want to go to bed and delay, stall,… as much as they dare. The mornings are the same too, never want to get out of bed. Today was easy though since I told them we needed to say goodbye to the family from Spain. The girls like them very much so it was a recorded morning for getting ready. Usually Rosita showers at night and in the morning, and the rest of us are waiting for her to go to breakfast. This morning she was up and nearly skipping out of the room.
We didn’t go anywhere today. The girls swam twice, watched tv, played on the computer and we have played several games of Uno and Skipbo. Mentirosa is the word for liar by the way, I forgot what is cheater. I didn’t learn any of the vocabulary for parenting in Spanish class before. I sure could use some of those words now, like because I’m the mom and I said so. Or how about play fair, don’t pick on your sister, be kind. .. Spanish books have all about ordering from a menu, getting a hotel or finding a bathroom, but lets get to really matters in life. Oh I just heard it, tramposa, that is a cheater. If I knew all the right words they would have heard stop calling each other names and play fair. It is really quiet here without the rest of our family and our friends either. I am looking forward to Whitney arriving soon!
On Sunday we went to an upscale water park about 45minutes from Cali, called Tardes Calenas. It was great there. Many different types of pools, slides, canoes, dancing in the pool and much more that we didn’t have time to do. There was paintballing, a zip-line, soccer, go-carts, and the food was unbelievable. Doug was the only one to finish his and it nearly was the finish of him. It was about a 20 oz smoked pork steak with a Hawaiian flavor. I had a steak and the kids had junk burgers. These burgers had about a 1/3 lb burger, a slice of pork tenderloin, ham, cheese of different varieties, a sauce, onion, tomato, all on a sesame seed bun. Kimberlyn’s favorite activity there was the group dancing in the pool with an instructor. Syd is certain she is her sister because she is a dancer. Rosita has really improved her swimming skill and spent most her time swimming. Jack and Evan liked the boats and tarzan drop as well as the slides.

Aqua Park

During our time here at Hotel Pension Stein we have had the pleasure of becoming friends with other adoptive families. We have gone on outings together, ate meals together, celebrated birthdays together and grown our families together. The family we have spent the most time with is Toni and Jose' from Southern Spain. They have a son, Manuel, whom they adopted from Colombia 6 years ago at age 8 months. They are now adopting another son, who is 8 months old. Yesterday our families went to an aqua park together. It was fun to be in a big pool or a wave pool. There were also waterslides and some other water attractions. All had a good time and were ready to come home after 5 hours there. Jack, Rosita, Evan and Papa all went down a 150 foot sliding trapeze that drops you from about 10 foot over a pool. We have never seen a ride like that at any American water park. Liability concerns I am sure. The rest of us used the wave pool a lot. Kimberlyn and Rosita have improved their swimming abilities significantly.

After time in the pool we went and rode on a few carnival type rides, like a little roller coaster and bumper cars. The ride from the hotel was an hour long and we never left the city of Cali! It was warm in the vehicle and traffic is just CRAZY. There are many diesel vehicles down here and a few two-cycle cars. Many motorcycles are two-cycle. With bumper to bumper stop and go traffic all the way to the water park and back, you can imagine the smell of exhaust all the way there. Kinda like running a diesel truck and a lawn mower in your garage with the door closed for 10 minutes and then sitting in there and breathing it for a while. Most of the cabs do not have air conditioning in them, so you have to ride with the windows open to keep some air moving over you.

I would hate to need an ambulance in this city. They get to move faster than traffic, but not by much. We saw ambulances in an emergency situation a couple of times yesterday. A line of motorcycles follows after them since the ambulances creates a little space for them to get thru traffic faster.

As I said before, lane markings don't mean much and motorcycles aren't required to occupy a lane. They can weave in and out of traffic, pass between cars and at stops they all move to the front of the line of stopped vehicles. Most of this maneuvering by motorcycles takes place within inches of the cars and trucks and usually at 30+ mph. Needless to say you don't see many drivers talking on cell phones while driving. It is much too dangerous for them and others to do so. Seat belts are required by law for all passengers, but most don't wear them. Helmets are required for all motorcyclists and scooterists and they all wear them.

The worst part of our time at the water park was the bugs. I got bites over 100 times on each of my legs and have the pictures to prove it. The bugs were a small, black, gnat-type insect that is apparently mostly teeth because each bite drew a small amount of blood. Not sure why I was such a delicacy for them. Everyone who is not from Cali was bitten up (I was the worst), but the Calienos, only one or two bites. I wonder what the bugs bite when there aren't any foreigners to dine on.

We Americanos were very popular at the park yesterday. There were many students there who wanted to talk to us and practice their English. Syd met many people her age and even went off with them to different slides and pools. What a great experience for her. It was also good for our Colombian daughters to see other kids wanting to use English. So far they don't have much desire to learn or use any English. That will be changing soon.

Television

I could write a whole blog on television today. Our newest girls love to watch TV, to play games with the TV on and listen to iPods with the TV on. The TV comes on first thing in the morning and if they had their way it would stay that way. It makes me wonder even more about what was life like for them before our family. They have cable down here with many channels that are from the USA to include Disney and Nickelodeon. After about a week here our natural kids finally tried the TV. Before that they didn’t even think there would be anything in English. The boys are happy because they found a station that is in English with Spanish subtitles, and it even carries their favorite show, CSI Miami.

After lunch yesterday (Thursday) Syd, Jack and I took a cab to a shopping center called Chippi Chappe It is a “gianormous” outdoor shopping mall with many little shops, food court and an Exito, which is the Latin Walmart. We mostly went to look, but we bought some cactus fruit and candy for gift bags at Rosita’s birthday party next Monday. You should see how armed the security guards are here, especially when making money drops at the mall from the armored car.

Last night the news cameras turned on us. We were interviewed by a local reporter about our adoption. They asked questions about why adoption, why older, how long did we wait, would we do it again, how is it going… I should have given them the address to the blog, right? I was asked to answer their questions in Spanish since I know a tiny bit, but Doug got the harder questions since our interpreter helped him.

Some of kids swam yesterday in spite of rain and temperatures in the low 70’s, 2 of them swam twice. Today the weather is warm and sunny and we are going to the water park.